The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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