my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My pussy is not your playground.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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