I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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