Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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