My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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