I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize