Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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