I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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