His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize