I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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