I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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