I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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