I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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