So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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