I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize