I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize