Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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