Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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