her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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