idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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