I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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