we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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