Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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