It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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