You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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