Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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