theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize