i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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