forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize