At least make sure they are 18
Why
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize