Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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