and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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