If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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