recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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