omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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