got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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