my vag is so smooth its legendary
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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