I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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