I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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