There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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