I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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