i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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