I looked at my own cervix.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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