Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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