Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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