Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I deserve this hangover.
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