why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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