I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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