oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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