My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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